If you’re a mom trying to juggle all the things while searching for therapy in Boston to help make sense of it all, you’re probably wondering why nobody warned you about how intense this phase of life would be.
Ever feel like becoming a mom flipped your whole world upside down and forgot to leave you a roadmap?
There’s a term for this experience: Matrescence. It’s the (wildly under-discussed) process of becoming a mom, and let’s just say—it’s a lot.
Sure, you’ve heard the clichés about motherhood being magical. But if you’re anything like a lot of my clients—high-achieving, driven, and maybe even a perfectionist—you’re used to excelling in your career, relationships, and personal goals. This whole “balance it all in motherhood” act might have you feeling like you’re spinning plates while standing on moving ground. Between the perfectionism, the burnout, the anxiety, and the endless to-do lists, it’s easy to feel like you’re losing yourself in it all.
Between the perfectionism, the burnout, the anxiety, and the endless to-do lists, it’s easy to feel like you’re losing yourself in it all.
And let’s be real: society isn’t exactly making this easier.
The pressure to be “perfect” is everywhere, from the Pinterest-perfect mom tropes to the constant (unfair) comparisons. All of it can actually get in the way of enjoying being a mom. It’s no wonder you’re craving more time, more balance, and more you.
As a Boston therapist specializing in Matrescence (and a mom who’s been in the trenches; still am if I am being honest), I get it.
In this blog, we’ll demystify Matrescence by breaking it down into clear, understandable parts. We’ll dive into what it really means, why it’s so crucial for your well-being, and how therapy—specifically my weekend therapy intensives for moms in Boston—can help you achieve balance and clarity without needing to squeeze weekly sessions into your already full schedule. Whether you’re just beginning this journey or have been seeking help for a while, you’ll find practical insights and tools to help you move forward with confidence.
So, let’s get cozy, and let’s dive in. By the end of this guide, you’ll not only have a better understanding of Matrescence but also actionable ways, like therapy intensives, to thrive in motherhood while reclaiming yourself.
Understanding Matrescence: The Basics
Have you ever wondered what lies at the heart of Matrescence? Let’s peel back the layers of this little-known term and uncover why it’s so important for moms navigating motherhood.
At its core, Matrescence is the transformative process of becoming a mother. Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, it describes the physical, emotional, and psychological changes that happen when a person transitions into motherhood. Yep, she is the same woman who coined the term, “doula”.
Think of it as a rite of passage—similar to adolescence—but instead of navigating hormones and middle school drama, you’re grappling with identity shifts, changing priorities, and the emotional weight of caregiving.
But Matrescence isn’t just about having a baby.
It’s about how you evolve in the process. It encompasses the push-and-pull between who you were before becoming a mom and the version of yourself you’re discovering now. This includes changes in your relationships (with your partner, your career, and even yourself), the loss of autonomy, and the relentless self-questioning that seems to come with the job.
Why Understanding Matrescence Matters
You might be asking, “Why is it important to understand Matrescence?”
Here’s why: Without awareness of this process, many moms feel blindsided by the emotional rollercoaster of early motherhood. Understanding Matrescence helps normalize these feelings, showing you that the challenges aren’t a sign of failure—they’re an inherent part of the transition.
It’s easy to mistake the overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout as personal shortcomings, especially for high-achieving moms who are used to being in control. But Matrescence reminds you that what you’re feeling isn’t just you. It’s the process of navigating an identity shift while adjusting to the intense emotional and logistical demands of raising a child.
When you recognize this, it can bring relief and clarity. You’re not “losing yourself.” You’re growing into a new version of yourself.
The Real-World Implications
Matrescence isn’t just a theoretical concept; it has real-world implications.
Before becoming a mom, you were probably thriving in your career and personal life, with clear goals and a strong sense of Self. Now, your day feels consumed by diapers, feedings, and the constant emotional labor of caring for a tiny human. The disconnect between who you were and who you’re becoming can leave you feeling untethered.
Understanding Matrescence provides a framework for navigating this transformation.
It helps you name what’s happening and accept that these feelings of uncertainty and change are part of a natural process—not a personal flaw.
It also gives you permission to approach motherhood with curiosity instead of judgment, exploring what this new chapter means for you as a whole person, not just as a mom.
By diving deeper into Matrescence, you gain the tools to better navigate this identity shift, manage the emotional complexities, and embrace the evolving version of yourself. It’s not about fixing yourself—it’s about understanding the transformation and learning how to thrive within it.
The Importance of Matrescence for High-Achieving Moms
Understanding Matrescence is essential for any mom navigating the overwhelming identity shifts that come with motherhood, especially for high-achieving women used to excelling in every aspect of their lives.
Recognizing this process can help moms better understand their emotional and mental shifts, making it easier to find balance and clarity during this life-changing phase.
For moms struggling with burnout, perfectionism, or anxiety, Matrescence offers a framework for making sense of the challenges they face. It’s not just a term; it’s a way to contextualize the often-overlooked aspects of motherhood, showing that the feelings of overwhelm and self-doubt aren’t personal failings—they’re a natural part of the journey.
Significance for Moms
By understanding Matrescence, moms can begin to uncover the root causes of their emotional and mental struggles.
For example, many moms find themselves trapped in cycles of comparison or perfectionism. Recognizing these tendencies as part of Matrescence can be the first step toward breaking free from unrealistic expectations.
The therapy intensives I offer for moms can play a pivotal role here, offering the dedicated time and space to dive deep into these challenges and explore personalized strategies for navigating them.
Matrescence also highlights the importance of self-awareness.
When you can identify what’s driving your anxiety or burnout, it becomes easier to address those feelings and move forward with a sense of purpose and calm.
Impact on Well-being
The effects of understanding Matrescence reach far beyond emotional validation. It can help moms develop self-compassion, navigate stress more effectively, and find clarity in their experiences in modern motherhood.
Whether it’s managing feelings of inadequacy or building resilience, this awareness empowers moms to reclaim their sense of self.
By integrating the tools I provide during a weekend therapy intensive into this process, moms can take actionable steps to address the demands of motherhood without sacrificing their own well-being. My online weekend therapy intensives for moms (in Boston, and anywhere else in Massachusetts) provide an accelerated path to clarity, helping busy moms make meaningful progress without the time commitment of weekly sessions.
Matrescence is more than just a concept—it’s a key to thriving as both a mother and an individual. With the right support you can navigate this transition with confidence and find joy in the process.
Key Concepts and Terms Related to Matrescence
Navigating Matrescence becomes easier when you understand the essential terms and concepts shaping this transformative journey.
Let’s break down five key ideas that influence a mother’s sense of self and make adjusting to motherhood uniquely challenging.
1. Identity Shifts:
Matrescence involves significant shifts in identity, where mothers navigate who they were before motherhood and who they’re becoming. This often creates tension between personal goals and new responsibilities. For example, a career-focused mom may struggle with the guilt of stepping back professionally while also feeling pressure to be fully present at home. When I work with my clients in therapy, I help them unpack these conflicting emotions and provide tools for redefining identity, and sense of self.
2. Emotional Upheaval:
During Matrescence, moms experience a rollercoaster of emotions—joy, frustration, anxiety, and sometimes grief for their pre-mom life. This is natural but often misunderstood. Because I am certified as a perinatal mental health therapist, I understand the experiences of moms in Postpartum, and help my client make sense of these emotions, and often understand that these feelings don’t make them bad parents—they’re also markers of Matrescence.
3. Changing Relationships:
From partnerships to friendships, every relationship is affected during this phase. The dynamics shift as moms balance caregiving with maintaining connection, often leading to feelings of isolation. It’s challenging when the world doesn’t acknowledge Matrescence, and so your loved ones, yes even your mom friends, may not fully grasp or empathize with what you are going through. This experience is a huge part of the work that I do with clients, because it’s not just how you navigate changing relationships with others, but also the changing relationship with yourself. I help my clients explore these changes and develop strategies to nurture relationships without losing oneself.
4. Societal Expectations:
During Matrescence, moms don’t just adapt to their new roles at home—they also enter a new social sphere with its own set of constructs and unspoken rules about what it means to be a mother. This shift can have a profound impact on self-perception, as the pressure to conform to these expectations can feel overwhelming.
These societal “rules” often center on the idea of being a “good mom”—a concept loaded with unrealistic standards and cultural ideals that vary widely but are always impossible to fully meet. For instance, a mom might feel judged for returning to work too soon or staying home “too long,” no matter her choice. Social media only amplifies this, creating a highlight reel of ig-worthy moments that leave moms feeling inadequate.
Navigating this social terrain can intensify perfectionism and burnout, making it harder for moms to feel confident in themselves.
As a therapist who is also from Boston, and has navigated modern motherhood in Boston, I also have a nuanced understanding of what it may be like to be a mom of color in Boston. I weave this lived experience into my work with clients as well.
My weekend therapy intensives for moms in Boston are a powerful way to unpack these societal constructs and shift the focus back to what truly matters: finding an authentic version of motherhood that aligns with your values, not external pressures.
5. Physical and Hormonal Changes:
The physical recovery from pregnancy and birth, coupled with hormonal fluctuations, significantly impacts mental health. These changes can feel destabilizing, especially when layered with sleep deprivation and other demands. I also have a background in holistic health coaching, and understand postpartum nutrient depletion and the need to balance postpartum hormones, and so during my weekend therapy intensives I offer tools to manage these challenges and regain a sense of balance.
Understanding these core concepts can help moms better navigate the complexities of Matrescence. Gaining clarity around these experiences is the first step toward thriving in motherhood and reclaiming a sense of self.
Practical Steps to Empower Moms through Matrescence
Now that we’ve explored the basics and importance of Matrescence, let’s dive into some practical steps to help you navigate this transformative phase and reclaim your sense of self.
These steps will guide you in making sense of the identity shifts, emotional changes, and societal pressures while finding a version of motherhood that feels authentic to you.
1. Name Your Emotions
One of the first steps to navigating Matrescence is naming what you’re feeling. Whether it’s anxiety, overwhelm, or grief for your pre-mom self, identifying these emotions helps you process them. It’s not about judging what you feel but understanding that these emotions are valid and part of the transition.
This is how I learned about Matrescence. I just kept talking about what I was feeling, and eventually began googling ‘identity changes’ before I stumbled upon the works of my mentor and coach, Amy Taylor-Kabbaz. And after that, I was hooked on learning more about Matrescence because it made so much sense. I finally felt seen and heard.
2. Redefine “Good Mom” for Yourself
Challenge the societal ideals of motherhood and define what being a “good mom” means to you. Write down your values and priorities, and use them as a guide when making decisions. This shift can free you from external expectations and help you focus on what truly matters for your family.
I really love doing this work with my clients— dismantling systems that oppress us in motherhood, and keep us from enjoying being a mother, and mothering and challenges our motherhood experience, is one of my favorite things to do with moms. It’s also a big part of my weekend therapy intensives for moms.
3. Build Your Support Network
Matrescence isn’t meant to be navigated alone. Connect with other moms who understand what you’re going through, whether that’s through local mom groups, online communities, or therapy intensives designed for moms. A strong support system makes all the difference.
If you’re a mom in Boston, find groups like Boston Moms or Melanin Mass Moms who offer the same to connect with other moms who may have similar experiences. As a Boston therapist, I can attest to the efficacy of these support networks. At the same time, I also recognize that not everyone is attuned to Matrescence and the work involved to acknowledge this in your life, so it may be helpful to start with a professional who understands Matrescence and works with you on this before trying to talk about it with others who may not be able to support you.
4. Create Space for Self-Reflection
Set aside intentional time to reflect on who you are outside of motherhood. Journaling, mindfulness practices, or even a weekend therapy intensive with me or another therapist of your choice can help you unpack your thoughts and emotions, offering clarity on what you need to feel grounded and fulfilled.
5. Seek Professional Support When Needed
Therapy for moms in Boston, especially therapy intensives, provides the dedicated time and tools to tackle the emotional complexities of Matrescence. If weekly sessions feel impractical, consider weekend therapy intensives as an accelerated way to gain clarity and develop actionable strategies for thriving in motherhood.
By integrating these steps into your life, you can navigate Matrescence with confidence, balance, and a deeper connection to yourself.
Common Challenges and How to Overcome Them
Matrescence is a profound shift, but it often comes with its fair share of challenges. These roadblocks can feel frustrating and isolating, but understanding them is the first step toward navigating them with clarity and confidence.
Challenge 1: Feeling Like You’re Losing Yourself
Description: One of the most unsettling aspects of Matrescence is the sense that your identity is slipping away. Who are you now, beyond “mom”?
Solution: Carve out time to explore what brings you joy outside of motherhood. This could be revisiting a hobby you loved pre-kids, setting a personal goal, or creating small rituals that are just for you—like a morning coffee in silence or a 10-minute journal session to reflect on your day.
Challenge 2: Guilt Over Prioritizing Your Needs
Description: Moms are often conditioned to put everyone else first, making self-care feel like a luxury or even a betrayal.
Solution: Start small by scheduling just one non-negotiable activity per week that’s purely for you—whether it’s a solo walk, a favorite yoga class, or even a quick break to read a book. Gradually, this practice of prioritizing yourself will feel more natural and less guilt-inducing.
Challenge 3: Internalizing Societal Pressure
Description: The societal constructs of what it means to be a “good mom” can leave you feeling like you’re failing, no matter what you do.
Solution: Reframe these pressures by identifying your core values as a parent. Write down three things that matter most to you when it comes to your family and use them as a compass for decision-making. This can help you tune out the noise of external expectations.
Challenge 4: Feeling Isolated in Your Experience
Description: Many moms feel like they’re the only ones struggling, which can lead to shame and hesitation to seek support.
Solution: Start small by reaching out to a trusted friend or joining a local or online mom group where sharing experiences is encouraged. Connecting with others who “get it” can be a powerful way to feel less alone.
Challenge 5: Navigating the Mental Load
Description: The invisible work of managing a household, relationships, and daily logistics can lead to burnout and resentment.
Solution: Start delegating—whether that’s asking your partner to take on specific tasks or creating a shared calendar to divide responsibilities more evenly. Writing down and visualizing the load can make it easier to redistribute.
These practical steps can help you address the challenges of Matrescence in meaningful and tangible ways.
However, for those times when these challenges feel too overwhelming to tackle alone, a focused weekend therapy intensive with a Boston therapist can be a powerful way to gain clarity and create a plan. This dedicated time allows you to dive deep into what’s holding you back and emerge with personalized strategies for navigating motherhood with more confidence and balance.
Remember, the goal isn’t to fix everything overnight but to approach these challenges with intention and self-compassion. You’ve got this—and you don’t have to do it alone.
FAQs about Matrescence
Have questions about Matrescence? Let’s tackle some common questions moms often have about this transformational phase and how understanding it can help you navigate motherhood with confidence.
Q: What exactly is Matrescence?
A: Matrescence is the emotional, psychological, and physical transformation a woman undergoes as she transitions into motherhood. Think of it as the “adolescence” of motherhood—a time of immense growth and change that affects every aspect of your identity.
Q: How do I know if I’m experiencing Matrescence?
A: If you’re feeling overwhelmed by identity shifts, struggling with trying to be the perfect mom, recognizing the difference between what you thought motherhood would look like and the reality of what it really is, if your own mother wounds come up, or battling a mix of joy and grief for your pre-mom life, chances are you’re in Matrescence. It’s marked by changes in your relationships, priorities, and even how you see yourself. However, I believe that you are in Matrescence whether you notice these experiences subtly or profoundly, it just is the period of transition from pre-motherhood to motherhood.
Q: Is Matrescence the same for everyone?
A: Not at all! Matrescence is deeply personal and influenced by factors like your personality, cultural background, support system, and personal experiences. While the general concept applies to all moms, how you experience it will be unique to you.
Q: How long does Matrescence last?
A: There’s no set timeline—it can last months, years, or even decades. For many, it evolves alongside motherhood as your kids grow and your identity continues to shift. But the initial phase can last 2-3 years as you transition into motherhood.
Q: Can therapy help me navigate Matrescence?
A: Absolutely. Therapy for moms in Boston offers a safe online space to process the emotional and mental shifts that come with Matrescence. For busy moms who can’t commit to weekly sessions, therapy intensives are a great way to dive deep and make progress quickly. For my clients who want to focus on their Matrescence exclusively, I recommend therapy intensives as we can go deeper, faster, and get results sooner.
Matrescence isn’t just a phase—it’s a profound journey of self-discovery.
Understanding it can help you embrace the changes with more grace and less guilt, empowering you to thrive as both a mom and an individual. If you have more questions, don’t hesitate to reach out for support—whether through a trusted Boston therapist, local resources, or just taking time to reflect on your own experience.
Conclusion
As we’ve explored, Matrescence is a profound and transformative journey that reshapes every facet of your identity. It’s more than just a concept; it’s a framework that helps you understand the emotional, psychological, and societal shifts that accompany motherhood. By recognizing its significance and implementing practical steps, you can navigate this phase with more clarity, balance, and self-compassion.
For moms juggling perfectionism, burnout, and the mental load of modern motherhood, understanding Matrescence offers a way to make sense of the overwhelm. It empowers you to challenge unrealistic expectations, redefine what motherhood means to you, and reconnect with the person you are beyond being “mom.”
If you’ve been feeling lost, stuck, or unsure how to move forward, know that this isn’t a personal failing—it’s part of the process. And while the challenges of Matrescence can feel daunting, they also hold the potential for growth, discovery, and a deeper sense of self.
For those craving a deeper dive into this journey, therapy intensives provide an accelerated path to clarity and actionable strategies. These focused weekends offer the space and support to tackle the complexities of Matrescence head-on, empowering you to reclaim your time, energy, and sense of self—all without the time commitment of weekly sessions.
Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. But with the right tools and support, you can navigate the ups and downs with confidence and find joy in the process.
Ready to Feel Like Yourself Again with Therapy in Boston?
If you’re ready to take the next step in navigating Matrescence with clarity and confidence, I’m here to help. I understand how overwhelming this phase can feel, and having the right support can make all the difference.
I specialize in guiding high-achieving millennial moms through this transformative time, helping them reclaim their sense of self while finding balance and fulfillment in motherhood. Let’s explore how we can work together to make this transition smoother and more empowering.
For moms in Boston, and towns throughout Massachusetts, I offer online therapy to support you through this transition.
Schedule your free 20-minute consultation today by clicking the button below. Let’s take the first step toward a more grounded, confident you.
Comments +