Mom burnout can often feel like a personal failure. 

You may wonder why, despite your best efforts, you’re still feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. But the truth is, much of that burnout doesn’t come from what you’re doing wrong—it comes from societal pressures that shape our expectations of motherhood.

Today’s version of motherhood, driven by societal and cultural ideals, sets impossible standards for moms. 

You’re expected to balance it all—work, parenting, relationships, and everything in between—while making it look effortless. 

For women of color, these pressures can be even more overwhelming, as they often face additional cultural expectations and systemic challenges.

In this post, we’re diving into how societal pressures—particularly those rooted in the patriarchal institution of motherhood—fuel burnout, leaving you feeling like you’re constantly falling short. 

As a maternal mental health therapist and a mom who has seen firsthand how these pressures affect women, I’ll help you recognize how these external forces may be contributing to your experience of burnout as a mom, and what you can do to begin pushing back.

The Patriarchal Institution of Motherhood

Motherhood has long been influenced by societal expectations, but the patriarchal institution of motherhood takes it to another level, creating unrealistic expectations that leave moms feeling like they can never measure up. 

If you’re not familiar with this term, it refers to the way our society, historically shaped by patriarchy, defines and enforces rigid roles for mothers. 

It promotes the idea that a woman’s value is tied to how well she performs as a caregiver, often without proper support or recognition.

The idea that you should be able to “do it all” — balance a thriving career, raise happy, well-adjusted kids, manage a spotless household, and still have time to look after yourself — is ingrained in the very structure of how we view motherhood today. 

An example of this is the expectation that moms should somehow be the primary caregivers while also excelling in their career, often without the same level of support or resources that men receive in their careers or parenting roles. 

This “supermom” expectation is a clear product of the patriarchal lens that frames motherhood.

This modern ideal of motherhood sets an unachievable standard. You’re expected to handle everything with ease and grace, without adequate support or room to breathe. The pressure to be “perfect” is ever-present, and even when you know these expectations aren’t realistic, they still weigh heavily on you.

The result? 

Constant maternal stress and feelings of failure, even if you’re doing your absolute best. 

What makes it even more challenging is that this pressure exists whether you buy into it or actively resist it. 

Simply living in a society that upholds these beliefs means you’re subject to these societal pressures, which can lead to mom burnout no matter how much you try to push back. 

Unique Pressures Faced by Women of Color

For women of color, the societal pressures tied to motherhood can be even more complex. 

Not only do they face the same patriarchal expectations as all moms, but they also navigate additional layers of cultural and racial pressures. 

One of the most pervasive is the expectation to always be “strong” — to handle everything life throws at them without showing vulnerability. This stereotype of the “strong Black woman” or “strong woman of color” makes it hard to admit when you’re struggling or in need of support. 

The pressure to maintain that strength can become overwhelming, making it difficult to prioritize your well-being.

On top of that, there are the cultural expectations to succeed, both personally and professionally, while also managing family life. 

In many communities, there’s an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) pressure to achieve in every area, often driven by a desire to break through systemic barriers or dismantle stereotypes. Whether it’s being the first in your family to excel in a particular field or navigating the weight of being a role model for the next generation, these expectations compound the already immense responsibility of motherhood.

These unique societal pressures often lead to mom burnout in ways that are overlooked. The intersection of maternal stress and racial expectations means that women of color are often carrying burdens that go unseen and unacknowledged by the wider society. 

When you’re expected to be everything for everyone—without ever faltering—the result is a deep and exhausting kind of burnout that’s hard to shake.

How Societal Pressures Fuel Burnout in Motherhood

The societal pressure to be the “perfect mom” is one of the biggest drivers of mom burnout. 

From the moment you become a mother, the world seems to have a checklist of expectations: you should be nurturing, patient, always present, have a successful career, maintain a spotless home, and somehow still find time for self-care. 

This constant striving to meet these unrealistic demands doesn’t just take a toll on your day-to-day—it leads to physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.

When you’re always trying to do it all, the pressure becomes unbearable. 

No matter how hard you try, if feels like there’s always something left undone or something you could have done better. 

This creates a feeling of never being enough, where even your best efforts fall short of society’s impossible standards. It’s a relentless cycle that leaves you depleted, stressed, and ultimately burned out.

And then there’s the internal conflict. 

You might recognize that these societal pressures are unfair and unachievable, and part of you may want to reject them. But the truth is, you’re still living within a system that upholds these ideals, making it hard to completely escape their influence. 

It’s like being trapped in a loop—wanting to resist these demands, but feeling the weight of them at every turn. 

This internal struggle only adds to the maternal stress, making it difficult to find peace, no matter how much you try to push back.

But even though it may feel overwhelming, it’s still possible—and incredibly important—to push back against these pressures.

What Moms Can Do to Push Back

Recognizing the weight of societal pressures is one thing—learning how to push back against them is another. 

But it’s possible to start reclaiming your motherhood experience by rejecting these unrealistic expectations and focusing on what matters most to you. 

Here are a few ways to begin:

1. Reframe Motherhood Around Your Values

One of the most powerful ways to resist burnout is to redefine motherhood on your own terms.

 Take a step back and ask yourself: What do I actually value in my role as a mom? What feels right for me and my family? 

By aligning your experience with your personal values, rather than society’s impossible standards, you give yourself the freedom to let go of the things that don’t serve you. You don’t have to be society’s “perfect mom”—you just need to be the mom your children need, and that can look different for every family.

2. Prioritize Self-Care and Boundaries

It may feel counterintuitive, but setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are acts of resistance. 

When you take time for yourself, you’re not just nurturing your own well-being—you’re rejecting the idea that moms must sacrifice everything for everyone else. 

Start by setting small, manageable boundaries in your daily life. Whether it’s carving out 15 minutes to breathe or saying no to commitments that drain you, these actions can help protect your energy and mental health. 

3. Build a Community of Like-Minded Moms

You don’t have to go through this alone. 

Connecting with other moms who share the same desire to push back against societal expectations can be incredibly powerful. Whether it’s through local mom groups, online communities, or even just a few trusted friends, creating a network of support helps you feel validated in your choices. 

Together, you can share experiences, encourage each other, and challenge the pressures that fuel mom burnout.

FAQ

1. What are some common signs that societal pressures are affecting my mental health?

Societal pressures can impact your mental health by increasing stress, anxiety, and burnout. Common signs include constantly feeling inadequate, overwhelming guilt, or exhaustion despite trying your best. If you’re experiencing these feelings, it’s likely that external expectations are taking a toll on your well-being.

2. How can I start setting boundaries without feeling guilty?

Setting boundaries is essential for self-care, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. Start by recognizing that saying “no” to things that drain you is an act of protection for your energy. Small steps, like carving out quiet time or declining extra responsibilities, can help you create healthier limits.

3. How do I connect with other moms who feel the same way I do?

Connecting with like-minded moms can be empowering. Seek out local or online communities focused on rejecting societal pressures and embracing authentic motherhood. Joining support groups, mom forums, or social media groups can help you find others who share your values and want to push back on unrealistic expectations.

4. What if I feel like I can’t break free from these societal pressures?

It’s common to feel trapped by societal pressures, but the first step is recognizing their influence. Start small by identifying one area of your life where you can challenge an unrealistic expectation. With time and support, you can slowly shift toward a more balanced, value-based approach to motherhood.

5. How can I recognize if I’ve internalized societal pressures without realizing it?

Societal pressures can be internalized when you find yourself constantly striving for perfection or feeling guilty when you don’t meet unrealistic standards. Pay attention to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or exhaustion, and ask yourself if these are driven by external expectations rather than your personal values and needs.

Conclusion

The burnout you experience as a mom is not a personal failure. 

It’s often the result of the overwhelming societal pressures and unrealistic standards placed on women through the patriarchal institution of motherhood. 

These external forces shape how we think we should be as mothers, creating unattainable expectations that lead to maternal stress and exhaustion.

The good news is, once you start recognizing these pressures for what they are—external demands rather than personal shortcomings—you can begin to reclaim your power. 

By aligning motherhood with your personal values, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your self-care, you can push back against these unrealistic standards and begin to experience more peace in your life.

If you’re ready to take the next step toward managing burnout, I’ve created a Burnout Toolkit just for you. 

Inside, you’ll find practical tools and integrative resources to help you manage stress, set boundaries, and navigate motherhood in a holistic way that works for you. 

Download the Burnout Toolkit today and start reclaiming your well-being.