Have you ever felt like being a millennial mom means constantly doing it all, yet you still feel burnt out and like you’re falling short?
For many millennial moms, burnout is practically baked into the job description. The pressure to “do it all”—raise happy kids, crush it at work, keep a LTK-perfect home, and maybe even fit in some self-care—is overwhelming.
And it’s exhausting.
I call this ‘The Modern Mom Trap‘: the relentless expectation to be everything, to everyone, all the time. Like so many (high-achieving and perfectionist) moms, I used to believe that “doing it all” was the ultimate goal. If I worked harder, managed my time better, or bought into the right routines, it would all magically fall into place.
But instead, I found myself teetering on the edge of burnout, questioning how this became the norm.
This post is about breaking free from that trap. Whether you’re battling the constant cycle of burnout from trying to do it all or wondering how to stop doing it all as a mom, I’m here to tell you there’s a different way.
I’ll share why the “do it all” mindset isn’t serving you, what alternatives can actually lighten the load, and how to start building a life that feels more sustainable. Let’s dive in and explore what happens when we stop chasing society’s impossible standards and start reclaiming our energy, peace, and joy.
The Breakup: Why I Let Go of ‘Doing It All’ As a Mom
Letting go of the idea that I had to “do it all” was no walk in the park.
For so long, I wore my ability to juggle everything as a badge of honor. I was the mom who could make it all happen—managing work deadlines, endless to-do lists, perfectly coordinated toddler activities, and maybe even squeezing in a workout.
It felt like the only way to prove I was “enough.” But honestly? It was exhausting.
I remember one night vividly; I was up until 1 a.m., working on organizing our closet so I could then curate that week’s toy rotation. I had work the next morning, but I thought, This has to be perfect. This is what a thoughtful mom does. When I finally finished, I felt more drained than accomplished. It hit me: no one had asked me to do all this (at least not as hard as I was going at it). Not my kid. Not my partner. Just me—and the impossible standards I’d bought into.
That moment was my wake-up call.
It wasn’t easy to admit, but I realized this mindset wasn’t serving anyone, least of all me. I was pouring everything into keeping up with all the mom-influencers who I’d thought were amazing moms and leaving nothing for myself. Deep down, I knew I had to let go of this toxic “do it all” narrative, even though it felt scary to release control.
Breaking up with that mindset felt a bit like losing a part of my identity, because I am wired as a high-achiever and perfectionist, and really I just wanted to be a good mom. But in hindsight, it was the most freeing decision I’ve ever made. Letting go wasn’t just about reducing burnout—it was about evolving into a version of myself that wasn’t defined by productivity or perfection.
It was about finding space to just be.
Exploring Alternatives: What I Tried Next
Once I decided to break up with the idea of “doing it all,” I started searching for a better way. Letting go of that mindset felt like stepping out into the unknown—it was both freeing and terrifying. It reminded me of trying to find the right pair of jeans: nothing fits perfectly at first, but you keep trying until you find something that works.
My first attempt was leaning heavily into time management strategies. I thought, If I just planned better, I could fit it all in. I downloaded every app and bought a fancy mom-planner that promised to revolutionize my life.
Initially, it felt amazing to see my week laid out so neatly. I could map out work, errands, family time, and even moments for myself. But after a few weeks, it became clear this wasn’t a long-term fix. The planner didn’t magically reduce my responsibilities or create more hours in the day—I was still overcommitted and overwhelmed.
Next, I tried the “delegate everything” approach, inspired by friends who swore by hiring help and dividing tasks. I outsourced house cleaning and asked my partner to take on more. It worked in some ways, but I still found myself mentally managing everything, checking in, and feeling guilty for not doing it all myself.
Delegating helped, but it wasn’t enough to address the deeper issue: my own perfectionist tendencies triggered by the impossible and unrealistic modern motherhood standards.
Finally, I stumbled onto something I hadn’t considered: radically simplifying my expectations. When I realized that the expectations I had weren’t my own, but instead those handed to us by a system in motherhood that was largely impacted by patriarchy, I started to see that the things I was doing might not have been aligned with my values after all.
I started asking myself, What truly matters today?
Instead of tackling 10 things, I focused on the three most important ones. This mindset shift felt like a breath of fresh air. It wasn’t about tools or schedules—it was about redefining success and letting go of unnecessary pressures.
This process taught me that solutions aren’t just about doing things differently; they’re about thinking differently. Each step brought me closer to realizing that I didn’t need to do more—I needed to do less, but with intention.
How Letting Go of “Doing It All” Helped Me Overcome Burnout as a Millennial Mom
Transitioning away from the mindset of “doing it all” wasn’t just about simplifying my to-do list—it was like opening a new chapter in how I approached motherhood. This shift wasn’t superficial; it fundamentally changed how I prioritized, connected with my family, and even saw myself.
One of the first things I noticed was how much lighter I felt emotionally when I stopped chasing perfection that was driven by unrealistic motherhood standards.
Instead of trying to check every box on an impossibly long list, I focused on what truly mattered each day. For example, instead of obsessing over a perfectly clean house, I asked myself, Does this actually matter today? The result? More time to engage with my kiddo and a noticeable reduction in stress.
Another significant improvement came from adopting the mantra “good enough is good enough.” This mindset didn’t just shift how I approached motherhood—it gave me permission to let go of society’s unrealistic expectations. Suddenly, I wasn’t trying to control every single detail, and the ripple effect was profound. My energy improved, my relationships with my partner and kids felt more connected, and I even found space to prioritize my health.
Finally, embracing radical simplicity fostered a sense of presence I hadn’t experienced before. When I focused on fewer priorities, I wasn’t just more productive—I was more present. This gave me the freedom to say no to things that drained me and yes to things that genuinely filled me up. I found joy in small, quiet moments rather than trying to manufacture picture-perfect ones.
Overall, letting go of “doing it all” didn’t just improve my life—it completely revitalized it. The shift allowed me to redefine what success looks like as a mom: showing up authentically, focusing on what matters, and giving myself grace. It’s a reminder that embracing change, even when it’s uncomfortable, can lead to a life that feels more balanced and meaningful.
Why We’re Wired to ‘Do It All’ as Moms
Before we dive into how to break free, let’s pause for a second and ask: Why do we, as millennial moms, feel this relentless pressure to “do it all” in the first place? A big part of it stems from a patriarchal motherhood system that has shaped the definition of what a “good mom” looks like for generations.
This system tells us that being a good mom means self-sacrifice at every turn. It glorifies moms who can seamlessly juggle careers, spotless homes, perfectly behaved children, and their own emotional labor—all while asking for nothing in return.
It’s the idea that if we’re not burning ourselves out in the process, we’re somehow not doing enough.
And let’s not forget the cultural double standards: dads often get praised for doing the bare minimum (“Wow, look at him parenting!”), while moms are expected to effortlessly handle everything, all the time, without complaint.
Oh, let’s clear something up just in case it crossed your mind: this isn’t about dad-bashing (we are not about that around here).
Plenty of dads are right there in the trenches, actively working to dismantle the impacts of the patriarchal motherhood system because they see the impossible, unrealistic expectations moms face every day. That said, our society still treats dads differently—it praises them for doing the basics while conditioning them to see parenting as optional. This double standard isn’t just unfair to moms; it’s limiting for dads too.
These narratives have been drilled into us through media, societal expectations, and even well-meaning family members, making it feel like we have to constantly prove ourselves as worthy mothers.
Understanding where this pressure comes from is the first step in dismantling it. Once you realize the system isn’t designed to support you, it becomes easier to see that you’re not failing.
The system is.
And that realization? That’s where change begins.
How to Break Free from the Modern Mom Trap and Overcome Burnout
If you’re feeling stuck in the cycle of motherhood burnout and wondering how to stop doing it all as a mom, you’re not alone. So many millennial moms are caught in this exhausting loop, trying to live up to impossible standards while juggling work, family, and personal well-being. The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way.
Here are five actionable steps to help you break free from ‘The Modern Mom Trap‘ and start feeling more aligned with your values and present.
1. Redefine Success on Your Terms
Ask yourself: What does success look like for me today? Not society, not Instagram—just you. Focus on small wins that feel meaningful, whether that’s spending uninterrupted time with your kids or carving out 15 minutes for yourself. Redefining success takes the pressure off and helps you focus on what truly matters.
2. Embrace Radical Prioritization
You can’t do it all, but you can do what’s most important. Each morning, pick your top three priorities for the day and let the rest go. This practice simplifies decision-making and reduces overwhelm, giving you clarity and control over your time.
3. Say No Without Guilt
It’s okay to set boundaries. Whether it’s declining that extra PTA responsibility or skipping a social event, saying no protects your energy and keeps you focused on what truly aligns with your goals and values.
4. Manage Maladaptive Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t inherently bad—it can drive you to strive for excellence and be your best self. But when it tips into maladaptive (unhelpful) perfectionism, it can lead to unnecessary stress and self-criticism.
Start by identifying when your perfectionist tendencies are helping versus when they’re holding you back. For example, focus on doing your best within the time and resources you have, rather than aiming for an impossible standard. Managing maladaptive perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards; it means recognizing when “good enough” truly is enough for your mental and emotional health.
Curious which perfectionist TV mom you vibe with? Take our quick, fun quiz to uncover how your perfectionist tendencies show up in motherhood—and get tips tailored to your style!”
5. Build a Support Network
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Lean on your partner, friends, or even professional resources like therapists or coaches. Sharing the load and talking about your struggles can lighten the emotional burden and remind you that you’re not in this alone.
By taking these steps, you can begin to loosen the grip of the “do it all” mindset and discover a more sustainable, joyful way to approach motherhood. Remember, breaking free isn’t about abandoning your responsibilities—it’s about reclaiming your energy and focusing on what truly matters.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Energy and Joy
Deciding to break free from the doing-it-all-in-motherhood trap and embrace new ways of thinking was transformative for me. It wasn’t just about managing my time better or doing less—it was about redefining what truly mattered and learning how to prioritize my well-being without sacrificing the love and care I give my family.
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated with trying to “do it all,” remember that you don’t have to stay in that cycle. By redefining success on your own terms, defining your values, managing maladaptive perfectionism, and leaning into support, you can create a version of motherhood that feels sustainable, joyful, and uniquely yours.
Your journey is your own, and what works for others may not work for you. But by being open to change and trying new approaches, you can find balance and reclaim the energy you need to thrive—not just survive.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by doing it all as a millennial mom but aren’t sure where to begin, I’m here to help.
Schedule a free consultation today, and let’s talk about how you can step away from the exhausting “do it all” mindset and find approaches that actually work for your life. Together, we’ll uncover what’s holding you back, explore strategies tailored to your needs, and help you build a version of motherhood that feels more balanced, joyful, and true to you.
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